Day 1 - Random moments of Freedom?

Hello,
Well twice today I thought I was going to sit down here and write a few things, and now I finally am.  This may be harder than I anticipated?!  Here's my thoughts...

Today when I woke up I realized my kids don't need me too much anymore.  I mean kids always need their mommy, but they are very independent.  They can all get ready for school and I pretty much just need to stay out of the way.  This is evoking strange feelings in my being!
First - HELP, What do I do?  No one needs me!  Otherwise known as PANIC!
Second - Cool, I must be a really good parent to have taught my kids to be so independent. PRIDE!
Third - I can now smoke an entire cigarette, while drinking my coffee completely uninterrupted. Crap, I quit smoking two and a half years ago.  REMORSE!
Don't worry - I don't plan on smoking again, even though it still holds certain appeal for me.  But why do parents need to be needed so bad?  I have spent all my time teaching my kids to take care of themselves. Now they can, and  I don't want them to?!  What the heck is that about?  I am torn mostly because I just am feeling so lost.  I guess I am having an adjustment period.  It is very weird.

Now most parents probably find something else to do with their time.  As I am sure I will.  Hence - the blog!
I should be thrilled to have more time, and I kind of am, but then here's the thing... #4 - GUILT!
What kind of a parent wants to be away from their kids?  I do darn-it!  But where do I go?  What do I do?  They are still young enough to need me to drive them places and be available. So it's not like I am really able to just hop on a plane.  I am just having random moments of freedom.  I am guessing God designed things this way.  Just a little taste, and then...REALITY!  I am sure this is meant to help the adjustment period be gradual, but it just feels like I am being teased...

Thanks for reading my rambling!
Wonder Woman