Well twice today I thought I was going to sit down here and write a few things, and now I finally am. This may be harder than I anticipated?! Here's my thoughts...
Today when I woke up I realized my kids don't need me too much anymore. I mean kids always need their mommy, but they are very independent. They can all get ready for school and I pretty much just need to stay out of the way. This is evoking strange feelings in my being!
First - HELP, What do I do? No one needs me! Otherwise known as PANIC!
Second - Cool, I must be a really good parent to have taught my kids to be so independent. PRIDE!
Third - I can now smoke an entire cigarette, while drinking my coffee completely uninterrupted. Crap, I quit smoking two and a half years ago. REMORSE!
Don't worry - I don't plan on smoking again, even though it still holds certain appeal for me. But why do parents need to be needed so bad? I have spent all my time teaching my kids to take care of themselves. Now they can, and I don't want them to?! What the heck is that about? I am torn mostly because I just am feeling so lost. I guess I am having an adjustment period. It is very weird.
Now most parents probably find something else to do with their time. As I am sure I will. Hence - the blog!
I should be thrilled to have more time, and I kind of am, but then here's the thing... #4 - GUILT!
What kind of a parent wants to be away from their kids? I do darn-it! But where do I go? What do I do? They are still young enough to need me to drive them places and be available. So it's not like I am really able to just hop on a plane. I am just having random moments of freedom. I am guessing God designed things this way. Just a little taste, and then...REALITY! I am sure this is meant to help the adjustment period be gradual, but it just feels like I am being teased...
Thanks for reading my rambling!